Prologue Draft

     I remember vividly, I was six, playing tag with my “imaginary friend.” My mother chopped cabbage in a golden pool of late afternoon sunlight, dust motes swirling in a game of chase with my baby brother. My sisters, together in the corner as usual, playing dolls on the dirt floor. They already shun me, sometimes sharply.
     I, run-dancing away from my tag partner, grab hold of my mother’s heavy skirts. She stiffens midway through the cabbage head, while the dust shifts from swirling to adrift. My sisters are suddenly muted. My attention is drawn inside by a force like gravity. I am descending into my mind, my self is separate from my flesh. Oddly, I have eyes still, of a sort, but I’ve been transported to the barn and my brother Hymn is in the loft. Only he slips over the edge. He is falling and terrified.
     Then, I’m in the house again. My mother is in motion already, running for the barn and I am on her heels. I don’t understand it, but we have to get there and help Hymn.
     Hymn was seven when he broke his arm falling out of the loft. He survived. That was my first vision. My first experience with Sight. I’ve spent many years since trying to hide it. Now, the indigo signs are too obvious to hide and I’m ready to join the fight anyway.

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14 thoughts on “Prologue Draft

    • You see.. when you are writing and posting something you ARE doing it for someone. And you have to keep it simple because you do not know what reader you will be getting. And complex, when it comes to action and a part that has to grab somebody, complex just stops you from indulging him/her.

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    • Ah,… no.. I think you misunderstood but I just can not explain it exactly. So, I will try again. Here, where I live we study those two authors Elin Pelin and Jordan Jovkov. I know you wouldn’t know them cause they are Bulgarians and yeah. So what I was trying to say is that Elin Pelin is using complex words and sentences but not overusing them. When he is trying to do more of an “action” scene he uses simpler words. His descriptions are also not that complicated but they are more complex than his “action” scenes. While Jovkov uses a lot of complex words not only in his huge descriptions but also in his “action” scenes. Both of them are really good but, you know, Elin Pelin is easier to read and his stories just grab you from the start. While Jovkov with his complex writing is harder to read and sometimes it can even irritate you. They both have a deeper meaning behind their stories. However, I believe that when sending some kind of a message with meaning and doing it by using less complex words is a lot harder job to do. I didn’t mean to tell you to not write complex but I meant if there are too many complex words that stops the reader. You have to find the balance between simple and complex. See, you want the reader to be engaged on his first reading your book. You do NOT want him to be stopping and thinking: the meaning of the word or just why you used that word or lose his line of thoughts, especially when writing an “action” scene which you are kind of doing. The Prologue is the part of the book that has to grab and do not let go off your reader so he would continue to read. Oh, I hope I am explaining it so you can understand. When I edit someone’s work there is one important rule that I watch if it is followed and that is: When writing an “action” scene – Keep it simple!

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  1. Thanks again for commenting on my Prologue πŸ™‚
    Hmm, I think your idea is good. Maybe you should use a little bit shorter sentences, especially in the middle where you are trying to build tension, In order to gain the needed feeling of adrenaline use short sentences and maybe better chosen words. When using complex sentences you kind of kill the thrill and focus on description. I believe it would be better with shorter once. And a little about the words, I personally think that it is harder to write a simply said story than one with vocabulary that will lose you. Also, extend it a little. Just an idea – do not mention her power at the end. Just hint it that there is something different with her. Leave it hanging so the reader would be grabbed from the unknown.
    I think it is good and it can make a pretty good book. So continue to write and find people that will read it and tell you what to correct. Something like having friends for first-hand editors before giving it to real editors. πŸ™‚ Good luck ^^

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  2. I wanted to thank you for commenting on my blog post about the Misconceptions of being a SAHM. You’re kind words gave me courage to link it to Facebook, and I got tons of views and positive feedback – so thanks πŸ™‚

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  3. “Run-dancing.”
    That was my favourite bit of chew from that fine cut.
    I found it amusing when you mentioned that after Hymn fell from the loft and broke his arm…that he survived. πŸ™‚
    As though someone would run up to him and say, “Oh my dear Lord in heaven! This corpse’s arm is BROKEN!”

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